Life After The First
by LadyBee2
Summary: This fic is about Ste dying and coming back as something unlike his former self. He is trying to find his way back to Hollyoaks, back to Brendan all the while trying to figure out what he is. a lot of dark twists.
1. Chapter 1

**Life After The First!**

This fic is about Ste dying and coming back as something unlike his former self. He is trying to find his way back to Hollyoaks, back to Brendan all the while trying to figure out what he is.

A lot of angst with a little twist.

**Chapter 1**

Hi I'm Ste, Steven Hay. I don't like people calling me Steven apart from you know who. My life on earth has completely ended. What didn't you hear? I was shot by that idiot Walker. Brendan was there, he was keeping me company and let me just tell you now I have never seen someone so broken in my entire life.

"I want you to promise me something." I had said.

"No Steven, you aint going anywhere please."

"I want you to promise me that you'll look over Leah and Lucas. And even Amy no matter how stubborn she is. Look after the Deli for me until the kids are old enough to have it. And most importantly I want you promise me that you won't do anything stupid like try and kill yourself or something because I know deep down underneath all that persona, you're not that tough babe."

"No Steven, please don't leave me please. Please baby don't go, I love you so much, please. Who's gonna shout at me to go away ayy? Who's gonna sit there with me in front of the telly late at night watching god knows what, stuffing our face with popcorn. Come on please, we're meant to be getting our happily ever after remember." Brendan sobbed.

"Please just promise me yeah?" I asked.

"Ok I promise." Brendan cried.

"Bren I lo...ove you, always have a...a...and al...ways will."

And the last thing I heard before I went was Brendan telling me not to go… well screaming it at me, and telling me that he's gonna get revenge on whoever did this to me.

It's weird because right now I'm walking up these big golden stairs that lead to some kind of Heaven or something. That means it is real then seen as I'm standing right next to an angel.

I walk through the golden gates and I feel this heavy force weighing down my shoulder blades. I turn around and get the shock of my life. There I am with these big, gigantic white wings and to top it all off my clothes get removed and in return I get a white dressing gown.

"What the ****!" Woah it's as if my voice got blocked when I tried to say the 'F' word. Oh yeah I'm not allowed to swear in heaven am I, ha sorry God.

I go and speak to God himself and he gives me a second chance on earth but to my disappointment not as me but as someone who I obviously don't know about. He tells me that He owes me for Terry and me mum. Wait did he know that, oh yeah I forgot He's God haha.

I start walking back down the stairs and on the seventh step my shoulders sag, owh I was beginning to love those wings. A couple more steps down and I feel like I'm on a catwalk because my feet are moving so fast yet so slow. Anyway I'm back on earth, yaaayyhh but it's so God damn cold. I try and pull my dressing gown around me tighter but it's gone, instead there's short but thick hair all over my body. I touch my face in a panicky way and yelp; ow I just bloody pricked myself. I cry out in pain and out of nowhere someone shouts back, "shut up you little mutt." Nah sorry this guy messed with the wrong… oh shit I don't know what I am.

So I'm skulking around trying to figure out what I am when I see a cat and chase it. I'm casually walking around when I fall over unless I think I did. I'm licking myself, EW why would I be licking myself?

Oh no I'm meant to be looking for Brendan but to no avail seen as I keep doing things that Ste wouldn't do. What the hell am I? Owh this is so unfair. What if he doesn't want or love me anymore? Well just gonna have to go and find out ayy?

TBC

What's gonna happen next I wonder ;) hope you liked it.. a review would be nice thank u guys xx

next chapter coming very soon...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It's been five months and I can't take it. Life without Steven has been so hard for me. Oh hi I'm Brendan, Brendan Brady, Steven's boyfriend; life has been totally different and difficult for me since without him. Ever since he died I've been locking myself away in my room away from the world. I was kind of in a vegetable state, it was crazy. The doctors said that it was similar to (PTSD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It was so bad that I lost all the ability to talk.

I would always have dreams about what could have happened and then some that I'd rather not into detail for, too disturbing. I would wake up screaming and Cheryl would be right by my side bless her, always caring for people that one.

When I got back to my normal self, well not normal as in knocking people about or threatening them but just normal as in out of my vegetable state and I was up and walking about, I braved it to go outside. I only went to the shop and it was still hard for me because everything I would see reminded me of Steven. I fell to the floor and drew my legs up when I saw the seedless jam. I hid my face in my knees and sobbed hard, more than I ever have in my entire life even more than I did when me ma died.

I remember when Steven used to come to the club, his bag loaded with jam sandwiches and we used to have endless sex in the office whilst all the customers were on the dance floor dancing and drinking their way to the next morning. And then Steven would feed me the sandwiches after the really sweaty encounter. He knew how much I loved, well still love seedless jam.

I didn't know how long I was on that floor for but all I knew was that a crowd formed their selves in front of me. Anne pushed her through the crowd with her skyscraper heels and sat herself beside me. She lifted up her arm and put it around me; I fell into her arms and sobbed even harder.

"Hey, why you crying ayy? Usually you punch people in the face if they see you shed one tiny winsy tear haha." Anne says, trying to cheer me up.

Anne was one of the people that came to visit me when I was a vegetable along with Darren, Nancy and Tony, even Eileen came to visit me once and I could hear her crying loudly, I wanted to respond but I couldn't.

Anne would always hold me when she came to visit; I wanted to hold her back I couldn't move so I just enjoyed the feeling of Anne holding me, talking to me and singing me a lullaby.

Anne used a technique with me, because I couldn't talk she told me to blink once if I was saying yes and blink twice if I was saying no. me and Anne had yes and no conversations and sometimes I would accidently say no when I was meant to say yes. And I would mumble and then blink once so that Anne understood what I was meant to say. Then there were times when I would get uncomfortable, I would mumble a lot so that Anne could ask me questions to find out what's wrong.

"I can't do it Anne, I just can't. I want Steven, I want him back. I want my baby back. I thought I could do it, thought I could face the world but I just can't do it Anne." I grieved.

"Yes you can do it, you're stronger than this." Anne comforted.

"No I can't, I can't do it Anne I really can't do it. Without Steven I'm nothing. I just want him back. Aaaaaaahhh…. Aaaaaaahhh I want him baaaaaacckk." I cried. Screaming at the last part.

I cried some more until I fell asleep and apparently Trevor Royle, the new bad boy of the village carried me all the way to my Massenet, Anne trailing behind obviously. Haha he must have been really strong then to carry someone like me… well I did lose my eat-like-a-horse appetite so yeah that's probably why he was able to carry me, I don't know.

Anyway that was then, right now I'm on my way to Amy's house, gonna do what Steven made me promise him to do.

I knock on the door and this tall mix race looking guy answers the door.

"Can I help you cuz?" The idiot asks, definitely from east London then.

"Yeah, is Amy there?" I ask in a more quiet tone.

"Yeah. Man's will go get her init." The idiot goes back inside and Amy comes out.

She sees me and opens her eyes wide then she tries to shut the door in my face but I put my foot in the door which I hurt in the process.

"Please Amy." I say in a vulnerable voice, I hate it but ever since Steven died my true self has been shown to everyone and I didn't really have any control over the emotions because by Steven dying it has brought up all the pent up anger I had all my life, all them times I wasn't allowed to grieve for my ma and all the times when my dad abused me and didn't let me cry, said that crying was for girls and that I should grow up and stop being a bloody pansy.

"What do you want?" Amy says in a calm voice. Wow that's not like her be all calm.

"Please I just wanna see the kids."

Amy lets me in and the first thing I notice about the place is that it has changed. The worn out sofa and the rotten wallpaper has changed into something better. There's an inbuilt shelf on the wall filled with various things.

I see Leah playing on the sitting room floor with her Barbie's. She turns around when she hears my footsteps and runs up to me with a big smile on her smile and her arms stretched wide. I kneel down and hold onto her for dear life.

"Daddy Brendan." She sighs in a relieved tone, as if she's been waiting for this moment to come.

"Hey princess." I reply still holding on.

Leah lets go and drags me over to play with her toys.

"Are you going to stay here like you used to?" She asks.

"No I'm not I'm afraid. I don't think mummy would like that." I say looking up at Amy as I say the last two words. She smiles at me and I'm quite taken aback by this because, excuse my language when the feck has Amy Barnes ever smiled at me, if anything she'd be the first person to kill me with her dirty looks back in the day.

Leah and I play with the Barbie's, dressing them up and making them walk. I'm in the middle of talking for the Barbie when I hear little footsteps running behind me and before I know it Lucas is standing right in front of me with a big smile on his face.

"Hey champ. You gonna give me a hug or what?"

"Daddy Brendan," Lucas cries as he leaps himself into my arms. "I missed you so much. Where did you go?"

"I've missed you too Lu and I had to stay at home for a while because I wasn't well." I explain.

"But you're better now right?"

"Yeah of course I am."

I carry on playing with the Barbie's with the kids and I add Dinosaurs to chase the Barbie's.

After the kids have their dinner, it's time for them to go to bed and for me to head home. I say goodbye to Amy and the kids and head off but as I get to the door and open it a tiny bit the kids run up to me with a book in their hand. "Can you read us a story before you go please daddy?" They ask in unison.

I pick them up in my arms and carry them to bed. I put the quilt over both them and start reading their favorite book 'Three Little Pigs.' "And I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in." I say. I do all the right voice in all the right places and before I even finish the story, they are already asleep. I close the book and stand to my feet then I pull the quilt up to their chins and kiss them on the forehead. I turn around to walk out of the room and nearly jump out of my skin when I see Amy standing in the doorway looking at me.

"You're really good with the kids you know." Amy admits.

I look at Amy for a good five seconds before breaking down into a full on sob, so much that I half chokes, half hiccups every ten seconds.

"Hey, hey. What's up ayy?" Amy asks soothingly whilst rushing over and putting her arms around me. She walks me outside to the hall way, closing the kid's bedroom on the way out.

"How do you do it Amy? How do you carry on with the world when Steven is…" I ask, unable to finish the question.

"I gotta be strong for the kids but night time I just let the tears flow." Amy answers.

"I can't do it anymore Amy, I just can't. Do you know the amount of times I tried to top myself but I just couldn't because I made Steven a promise." I cry.

"Hey, listen to me, listen to me. You are stronger than this, I should know." Amy insisted, her last words coming out harsher than needed. Ok so not a lot has changed really then.

"I can't do it Amy I just want him back." I sob.

Amy and I carry on speaking when out of nowhere a dog jumps onto me, by the looks of it I think it's a half-pit, half-staff, brown. Wait how did it get in here, oh yeah I left the door open a little when the kids wanted a story. Something about this dog seemed familiar. What if? No I need to stop thinking like this but something about the dog was telling me to protect it.

"Hello. You're gorgeous aren't you, oh yes you are." I giggle.

The dog jumps on me and Amy a lot and licks our faces. Then it jumps off of me and jumps on the shelf knocking down the game of scramble making all the contents fall out.

"Oi what you doing you stupid…" Amy shouts out but then stops what she's saying in shock.

"What? What's wrong?" I quake.

"It, it can't be." Amy whispers.

"Amy you're scaring me now." I look at the dog and he looks at me with his tongue hanging out and his tail wagging. Well Amy aint gonna tell me what's going on so I get up off my seat and walk over to Amy.

"Amy what is it?" I ask again.

She points to the floor and I follow her direction. Oh my gosh no, you have got to be kidding me.

"OH MY GOD!" I look at where Amy has pointed and see the letters from the game of scrabble have been rearranged.

There in clear black says, "Hey it's me Steven…"

TBC


End file.
